Thursday, November 4, 2010

A Woman on the Verge

2010-2011 The Dallas Opera Opening Night
photo credit Amber Starling Photography

Shame on me, it has been awhile since I have posted anything. Life is a bit crazy right now and upon returning to work from my non-maternity leave maternity leave (I’ll spare you the details), I was faced with a massive undertaking also known as Opening Night. Holy moly, I thought last year’s opening night was difficult, but in all honesty it had nothing on this year’s festivities. It shouldn’t have been as much of a trial as it was, but there were a few elements this year that made it quite challenging.
I will stop with the work chatter, but here’s the deal: working and having an infant and two step children is really really hard. Harder than I ever imagined. I am sure you are thinking how hard can it be? You only have Grayson and Avery every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend, it’s not like they are there all the time. But that is just it, they are not here all the time, so every time I get into a rhythm with Marigny and work that rhythm gets broken up by the weekends we have Grayson and Avery, and once they leave it takes a week to re-establish said rhythm and there is no recovery from the amount of work that the weekends with the kids require. It is a never ending cycle of attempts at and interruptions of a routine and I am exhausted.
I am a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I think I need help. Usually running would help me out, but I have been sick since October 6th and my energy levels are so depleted that some days I can barely go up and down our stairs. I intended to run this morning and woke up, fed Marigny, went to get dressed in my running clothes and could barely lift my arms over my head to put my dri-fit shirt on. Pathetic. I am a sad and sorry case at the moment and I am not sure that there is anything that can be done about it. I will try to run this afternoon, but by the end of the day usually whatever energy I did have is completely depleted. My sanity needs a good strong run, not so sure my body or lungs can handle it…
Here’s a positive: I am flying to New Orleans tomorrow to celebrate Mom’s 60th birthday (November 5th) and I could not be more excited to go. I am sorry that Zach and Marigny won’t be joining me, but thrilled at the alone time that I will be able to have with Mom. Well, until Billy baby starts a-callin’. But I will take whatever I can get!
I would be remiss if I did not mention what a tremendous day November 3rd was as it was Zach and I’s 3 year anniversary. He is definitely the best of me and I could not be more thankful for all that he does for me.
Sorry for the depressing blog post…but here is a picture of Marigny which is something that always cheers me up.


  1. I don't know what advice or words of encouragement I can give you other than to tell you that you are not alone and I have been in pretty much the same state you are now. It does get better and you will pull through. If all you remember at the end of the day is that adorable smile on that baby of yours - that's enough! I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I had so many - still do. Hugs, friend! emily

  2. Sweets all mommas go through this so you are not alone! It does get easier as the kids get older. So keep that in mind when you are about to break. You also need to think about Mothers Night Out or a mothers group. That has really helped me in the past. You know you CAN call me any time day or night!!!

  3. Hey Morgan! It's Becky Weatherall. We haven't even seen each other in years, but I saw your blog pop up on facebook. I always thought that those women who have only positive things to say about being a new mom are completely full of it. It's really, really tough! You're friend is right, though. Having a moms group or baby play group is a great way to surround yourself with other moms who are going through the same thing as you. Not sure if you're already a part of one, but if not, give it a shot. When I went to play group, it was basically a big venting session and definitely made me feel like I was not alone. Hang in there! I feel your pain. My son is 3 1/2 now, I'm 3 months pregnant with #2, and trying to make it through graduate school. I have no idea how I'm going to deal when the new little one is here, but I know that in the end it'll be worth it. Have fun in NOLA!!!