Tuesday, June 15, 2010

And the months come to a close

So here we are, one day before I go in for my scheduled c-section, and there are a million thoughts running through my brain. Some are panicky, others are excited, and one disappointed.

Panicky because life as I know it is about to make a drastic change, one that is hopefully for the good. But change is always hard, but as they say it is also the only constant. Did I really think things would stay the same forever, even with a baby? Nope. Panicky, because, can I do this? Can I be a mom? Can I think about someone other than Zach or myself? I like being selfish.

Excited because after 9 months of gestating this bambino, I will finally see the outcome of all this exhaustion and effort. And I will finally know if this is a little Zach or a little Morgan. Excited because I am starting a whole new chapter in my life. Yes, this one hits both the panicky and excited feelings.

Disappointed, because more than anything I wanted to have a vaginal birth (yes, I said vaginal), but for some health complications a scheduled c-section was deemed safest for momma and baby. At least the doctor gave me a few days to try go into labor.

Unfortunately, my darn body is just as stubborn as the brain in it. For me it isn't the c-section that intimidates me so much as the recovery from it, as I am so ready to get back to running and I know how hard it can be to get started again even without having to recover from surgery. That and I wanted those darn prenatal yoga classes to pay off. Oh well.

Tomorrow at 6:30 am we are set to arrive at Labor and Delivery and at 8:30 am the doctor is going in for Baby Vaughn, so I should have a baby in my arms by 9:30 am...and I will be a mom. Wow. Zach and I will be parents. Not just one of us as a parent and the other as a stepmother, but parents together.

Just breathe Morgan.

Throughout this pregnancy I have said and done things I never thought I would say or do....here is a list of the top ten.

10. Own a book called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding"

9. Rename something already as gross as mucus plug to "vag snot"

8. Not recognize my own breasts...I will not get into any further detail here

7. Discuss Daycare

6. Have a car seat base in my car weeks before Baby Vaughn's arrival

5. Buy cloth diapers like they were stilettos

4. Visit a baby based website multiple times a day

3. Get excited about decorating a nursery

2. Weigh as much as I do right now and still sometimes be able to look in the mirror

1. Be excited about being a mom

The next post really will be the Vaughn of a new day.

Thanks for all your support and future offers to babysit!


  1. You're strong, you're brave, and you're funny as hell. What else does a mother need?

  2. Morgan - that was so well said - it brought tears to my eyes as I wish all the very best to you and Zach tomorrow - now the real fun begins!!!!

  3. Morgan,

    I look forward to hearing from Zach tomorrow morning. This new chapter of your life will take grace and patience, love and endurance but everytime you hold your child and see Zach in him or her, you will smile and burst with joy.

    When you see Zach see you in your child and the love he will have for both of you, it will complete your joy. At least, it will make your day.

    The days when you face a tantrum-pitching headstrong child (are those the Zach days?), you will handle that with love and raise a happy, well-adjusted child.

    You're going to be a great Mom, Morgan, and you have a great husband who already is a great dad!

    I look forward to meeting your little one.